“Get out of her!” Firm shake. Firm shake. “OUT! YOU. GET. OUT. OF. HER!!!“ My hands around her throat now – Chi-Chi’s eyes bugging out even more. She’s making gagging sounds, but I can still see it’s not her. “GET OUT! OUT! OUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!“ “Heather.” “GET OUT!!!“ “Heather…” “YOU. LEAVE. MY. BABY. RIGHT. NOW!” David’s hand…
Butt. Butt. BUUUUUUTT. She is the smallest of our cats, but she packs a punch when she’s headbutting you first thing in the morning. Her small feline cranium careens into my temple, followed by little cat teeth attempting to groom me. Then this: “Puh! Puh! Puh! Gaaaaaaaag!” as she realizes that shoulder-length human hair is…
Rissa’s clear, perfectly pitched (to our ears) soprano drifts down the stairs. She is in the shower, as she is every night after her dance classes. For the grace that she exhibits as a dancer, this child, after 3 hours of sweating, smells like a dead goat. David and I are both working on our…
People say the stupidest crap to new moms. One of my close friends just welcomed her first baby to the world and people have been saying truly moronic, unfeeling, make-a-new-mother-doubt-herself, crap to her. To these morons I say: Yes, you have had a baby yourself. THIS baby, however, is not YOUR baby. THIS baby is…
“I love you,” says David as we snuggle in under the covers. “And I love you,” I return. I contentedly sigh. “Life is good.” “Life IS good.” “Yep.” Smooch. Smooch. You know how sometimes your brain goes off on these weird tangents? One minute, I’m kissing my husband and the next I’m doing math. Rissa…
What 80s movie are you? What’s your old person’s name? Which Dwarf are you? What breed of dog? What Harry Potter Character? What ice cream flavour? What Shakespearean heroine? What turn of the century inventor? What Norse God? What Titan? What Dr. Seuss book? What Mathematical Equation? What Scrabble letter? Okay, I admit it –…
It was my favourite day. MOVIE BINGE DAY. It’s right up there with Christmas Holidays with family and Front Row tickets to Violent Femmes. MOVIE BINGE DAY has to include at least three, if not four movies. (Just seeing two isn’t nearly decadent enough.) David’s even created an app so that you can plan your…
I’m going to have to invest in new sports bras. More of the kind that do up in the back. Because, although I can clad myself in one of the pull-over-the-head types, if I very carefully manoeuvre around my damaged shoulder, getting this same sports bra off when it’s completely sodden with my post-exercise full-body…
I was just brushing my teeth. Brusha, brusha, brusha, brusha… Tongue a little pasty – better brush that too. Out comes the tongue! The toothbrush makes contact… Brush….. If this had been an animated film, you would have seen the bacteria on my tongue hitting the air, not unlike the spores from the kick-ass fungus…
“Minuit! Minuit! For the love of…. Scoot!! SCOOT!!“ Minuit lies upon our bedroom floor, a vision of feline pulchritude. She splays every splayable part of her body. Rolling onto her back, she raises an eyebrow. “Menh…?” “Seriously? I just vacuumed. How can you produce this much hair in 2 hours?” “Menh…” “Plus, I just brushed…