When you find pants that fit you perfectly – the pair that turns your derriere into the Holy Grail of asses – the pair that makes your ankles look edible – those pants – you buy those in bulk. Retro style cigarette pants. Just above the ankle. Audrey Hepburnesque. My version of the cigarette pant…
I spent $253 at the grocery store last week. Three people live in our house. Three. Yes, $25 of that was because the ginormous 24/7 kitty litter was on sale for $3.00 off the regular price so I had to get at least two of them, but that still means that the other grocery type…
The plan had been to wash my hair in the bathtub. My scalp just couldn’t take any more, I would lose my mind if I didn’t shampoo. It’d had been three days since the shower curtain had been taken down to make way for the skim coat of drywall compound. Problem was, the week was…
Thunderstorms in the morning. I’m dressed like a Popsicle: lime green umbrella, bright pink rain coat, yellow rubber boots. Rain coming at me sideways as I walk to work. I’m wet from mid-thigh to the top of my boots. It takes me all day to get dry. It’s bank day. A couple of cheques to…
Stompy. I was SOOOOOO stompy. Throwing blankets and sheets down to be washed. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. David and Rissa exchanging “What the hell is happening?” looks below in the kitchen. The panic had beset me while still in bed. I’d looked up at the ceiling with the skim coat of drywall compound taunting me –…
My body is such an over-achiever. It’s racing full-on towards decrepitude decades before the norm. The good news? I’m like those Sentinels from X-Men: Days of Future Past – I am able to adapt with every challenge. My Achilles Tendons ache when I wear 4 inch heels? Not a problem! 3 inch heels it is! …
“Uh… Heather? Can you come here for a second?” David’s voice sounds hushed, a little odd. “O…kay…” “We have some visitors at the back door.” Who? Who would be walking all the way to the back door? Everybody comes to the side door – the one to which the other door, the first side door…
Minuit hated the kittens as soon as they entered our home. Despised them. She exhibited such violent loathing that we frequently had to physically remove her from their backs and spray her with water. At the age of 4, Minuit was well-on her way to being crotchety (not to be confused with crochet-y – although…
You ever shop for bed skirts? I was killing time at a Bed, Bath & Beyond a bit back, thinking “Hey! We need some new bed skirts – I’ll just have a looksee in their linens dept.” They started at $45 and went up from there. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s the bed…
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” I shake my fists to the heavens in rage. “Mummy?” “There is NO peanut butter!!” It’s one of those morninigs. You know, one of those mornings when all you want is a certain thing for breakfast? All I wanted was peanut butter on my toast. And only one piece with peanut butter – I…