I had a sneezing fit at the office. When the sneezes hit, I held onto my desk and clamped my knees together as if the freedom of the Western world depended on it. I hadn’t needed to go to the bathroom before that moment, but after the 5 sneezes, it seemed like it would be…
“Have you decided what colour you’d like for your nails?” The esthetician points with her chin over to the selection of nail polishes on the counter as she massaged my calves. I pick up the nail wheels, vacillating between the reds and the pinks. Seduce Him (although that should really be Seduce Him/Her – I…
We are all just part of the Matrix folks. We are all just cogs in a wheel… frickin’ useless, tech-reliant, cogs in the wheel of the Internet. Come the Apocalypse, we are totally fucked. We were completely cut off Sunday night. We lost all knowledge, all connection, all ability to interact with humanity. Our modem…
Have been experiencing technical difficulties… (will explain later) posting on the fly… Rissa gave me this card for Mother’s Day…
“Hey look at this!” says Rissa. She’s just received her “prize” pack for selling a shit-load of magazines subscriptions for her school fund raiser. They give the kids a bag chock full of items they must get in bulk from higher end dollar stores. They’re all pretty much craptastic, but it is, after all, a…
Is one of the by-products of peri-menopause bigger boobs? Because I’m pretty sure that my boobs are growing. Swear to God. I feel like I have pregnant boobs. I’m ALL boobs. I look in the mirror and they’re just… there… I mean really, there. Like KAPOW there!! I walk into the room and they…
“The treadmill is trying to kill me!” “Kill you?” David asks skeptically. “Well, it’s, at the very least, trying to Gaslight me.” “And it’s doing this, how??” “Because I can’t load Netflix.” David gives me the eyebrow equivalent to a face palm. “And this is driving you mad?” “Yes. Yes, it is driving me mad.”…
During renovations, in a desperate attempt to control the visual chaos of my environment, I’ve lost my mind. I’ve gone round the bend folks. My obsession this week? Ensuring that, when I open the shower curtain, all the shampoo, conditioner and body wash bottles complement one another. Hello Ma’am, we’ve got a lovely little jacket…
WARNING: THERE IS DISCUSSION OF FEMALE ISSUES IN THIS POST. Sam Brown, explodingdog.com My camel did not make it. It had been days since he’d died. I found myself trudging through the desert, my skin burning, sand in my throat… Hot wind blowing around me, almost through me. I could feel sand on my…
I am totally crushing on Emma Stone. She is perhaps my new favourite person in the world. Not only is she a great actor, articulate and funny, but she does this?!? She killed the battle, AND if that wasn’t amazing enough, her first song was Hook, by Blues Traveller – an obscure blast from the…