“The treadmill is trying to kill me!” “Kill you?” David asks skeptically. “Well, it’s, at the very least, trying to Gaslight me.” “And it’s doing this, how??” “Because I can’t load Netflix.” David gives me the eyebrow equivalent to a face palm. “And this is driving you mad?” “Yes. Yes, it is driving me mad.”…
During renovations, in a desperate attempt to control the visual chaos of my environment, I’ve lost my mind. I’ve gone round the bend folks. My obsession this week? Ensuring that, when I open the shower curtain, all the shampoo, conditioner and body wash bottles complement one another. Hello Ma’am, we’ve got a lovely little jacket…
WARNING: THERE IS DISCUSSION OF FEMALE ISSUES IN THIS POST. Sam Brown, explodingdog.com My camel did not make it. It had been days since he’d died. I found myself trudging through the desert, my skin burning, sand in my throat… Hot wind blowing around me, almost through me. I could feel sand on my…
I am totally crushing on Emma Stone. She is perhaps my new favourite person in the world. Not only is she a great actor, articulate and funny, but she does this?!? She killed the battle, AND if that wasn’t amazing enough, her first song was Hook, by Blues Traveller – an obscure blast from the…
Nope. Wipe… How ’bout this one? Nope. Wipe… Wait, wait, wait… this one’ll be the one… NOPE. Scrub. Wiiiiiiiiiiiipe. Why do I even have these?!? Lipsticks. How many should a gal have? You know… in the drawer of your vanity, or bottom of your make up kit. 12? 22? 116? I have an entire drawer…
My adolescence was so much fun the first time around, I thought I’d give it another go. That’s me trying to pretend like I have any say in what’s happening now. It’s not so much a choice, as an involuntary action. I’ve had a week folks. Oh, have I had a week. A week that’s…
We don’t have a kitchen ‘work triangle’ per se. It’s more a kitchen ‘assembly line.’ Our kitchen sink is 21 feet away from our freezer. It goes like this: Sink, drawer unit, stove, dishwasher, fridge, old kitchen island, new butler’s pantry and then you get to the freezer in the closet of our foyer. Why…
“Quick! We have to distract them!” David says. “How?” Suddenly it comes to him. He lifts up his shirt, wets his finger, draws a cirle around his nipple, all the while singing Barnum’s Circus March. “Do-do-doodle-doodle-do-do-do-do….” He whispers, “It’s called ‘CLOWNING.’ Depending on the patterning around your nipple – it will act as a code.”…
It seems like such a good idea when I’m lying in bed staring at the ceiling. I look up at the outline of where the closet had been. I see the damage of the torn-asunder drywall plugs – the drilled screw holes, the decimated drywall. Why had it been bothering me so much? Yes, there…
He’d suddenly gone all grumpy. We were installing the chrome cup pulls in the kitchen and by ‘we,’ I mean him – ’cause he was hogging all the tools. He had two drills, two screwdrivers and was hoarding all the bolts. I had a cardboard template of the new cup pull and a pencil. I…