WARNING: SO MUCH FEMALE STUFF In the summer of 1997, David held my hand as I sat at the triage desk of the local hospital. He looked concerned. I looked like I was going to pass out. The nurse looked wiser than Nicodemus from the Secret of NIMH. “Are you a new couple?” she asked,…
“You’ve what?” asks Rissa, slightly laggy on her end of the video call. “Who have you been talking to? What did you do?” “Nothing,” I say. “I think it’s just my age.” “It’s what? What do you mean it’s your age?” “I think you just get to a certain age and…” “You think there are…
This week (and it’s only Monday – it’s only MONDAY?!?), I find myself wondering what caused She-Hulk’s transformation from regular woman-about-town, to big green rage monster. ‘Cause I’ve had three instances today where I found myself fighting to maintain my equilibrium between rationality and absolutely losing my shit. This morning, I’m moving from the bathroom…
“Prrrrrrowl?” “Prrrrrrrowwl??” “Prrrrrrrrrowwwl??” My eyes open. “Prrrrrrowl?” Why am I even surprised? Lola had been staring at the bottom of the refrigerator when we went to bed. “Prrrrrrrrrrrowl?” That’s the sound of a cat with its mouth full of mouse. “PAH!” Bat. Bat-Bat. Bat-Bat-Bat-Bat. And that is the sound of a cat playing with a…
Raccoons are mostly nocturnal. So if you’re seeing one during the day, something is up. Ie: you might have trapped its kits in your eaves by sealing up the holes in your roof (Bring me your furry…) or… it might possibly be… rabid. And yet… when a raccoon appears on my deck, my immediate impulse…
I clutch the handrail, lifting one foot in front of the other. David follows me, really close – my personal border collie – ensuring that I don’t fall. “I’m good,” I say. I’d give a sloshy thumbs-up, but my left hand is presently holding the other wall. My feet mostly feel the stair treads beneath…
As I’m taking off my coat and boots, Harrison Ford is in my peripherals. He’s wearing a suit. He’s on an airplane. “Are you guys watching Air Force One?” I ask, stashing my wet boots next to the heating vent. “We are!” says David. This proves that if there was ever a Name That Movie…
We’re sitting at the kitchen table. Rissa is watching Sex and the City on her phone while she enjoys her cinnamon raisin toast. It’s the episode where Charlotte and Trey are having a frank discussion about their nonexistent sex life. After all this time, I can’t really remember all the plot points of the series…
This is the week. It’s the week that I bought a high-end bird feeder so that I can watch the birds from my kitchen window and I discovered that, from the side, I have jowls. And then, as I headed to Shoppers Drug Mart to replace my bottle of Women 50+ multi-vitamins, I realized that…
As I’m writing, I know exactly the word I want to use. It means getting up, but in a sexy, Regency romance kind of way. Sort of like unbending, something akin to having a sexy lap. The word itself? Not a fucking clue. Any of you know what the word is? Wordhippo did not immediately…