Face Palm
It’s not just me, right? Other works in this series include: The counter above the dishwasher is NOT the dishwasher! I am NOT your sink whore! and Tea Towels are NOT dishcloths!
The perils of cheese.
Remember when you were a kid, and you ate the fresh-out-of-the-oven pizza so fast that the roof of your mouth became stuccoed with blisters? Afterwards, your tongue couldn’t help but play with the damaged skin of your palate – feeling out all of those bumps. For hours, even days afterward (depending on how hot the…
Do not underestimate the joy that you can experience at the LCBO.
The Liquor Control Board of Ontario may now be my favourite place on earth. And for more than just the incredible array of single malt scotches that one can purchase there. My friends and I were picking up a few libations and took them up to the cash. We were making jokes, being a little…
And that’s how I almost screwed us out of financial freedom!
I will be unstable for the next 7.5 weeks. I give you all fair warning. Do NOT tease me. Not now. In fact, do not tease me for the next 7.5 weeks. Treat the next 7.5 weeks as if I am hormonally unbalanced. I am very fragile. It ain’t hormones – it’s house. We…
Wrong shirt, wrong bra…
You know those days? The days when you think you look a certain way, but then, when you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror, you realize that you are overly optimistic? Yesterday morning was one of those days. Yesterday morning the armpit pudge was particularly pulchritudinous. The bastards. I was dressed, ready to…
And that’s when I peed my pants… again.
So yesterday, when I was publicizing the – FLASH FREEZE WARNING – I should have realized that it would come back and bite me in the ass. By 9:45 a.m. the puddles were already sporting a thin sheet of ice. I found myself in a a reverse time-lapse of the spring thaw. In my well-laced…
Wet enough for you?
I’m Canadian. An Air Force brat, I split my formative years between the Maritimes and Prairies (PEI, Manitoba, Nova Scotia, back to Manitoba – with a brief anomaly in California in ’81 and ’82 – until I finished high school and then I found myself an Ontarian). I remember those winters in Nova Scotia and…
My cat suffers from dementia.
You wouldn’t think her head could do a 360 would you? Or she’s possessed. It’s an either/or I think. We were all lazing about during the Christmas holidays – comfy and cozy in the family room – in front of the fireplace, and Minuit – the most crotchety of our beasts – went cuckoo bananas….
But I’m a university graduate!
Now I doubt my intelligence and smell like cat shit. Yes it’s kitty litter day. And every single time I forget that I should be doing this job in a HAZMAT suit so that I don’t reek of cat. I should have kitty litter clothes. I have painting clothes – the ones that I wear…
Hemorrhage in Aisle Three…
WARNING: There is an abundance of female information in this post There I sit in Canadian Tire, my ass on the lowest rack in the Home Decor Aisle. Fists in the air… “THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!!” “Ma’am?” For a moment, I morph into a Mesopotamian Demon. Laser beams from my eyes – poor kid…