The Liquor Control Board of Ontario may now be my favourite place on earth. And for more than just the incredible array of single malt scotches that one can purchase there. My friends and I were picking up a few libations and took them up to the cash. We were making jokes, being a little…
I will be unstable for the next 7.5 weeks. I give you all fair warning. Do NOT tease me. Not now. In fact, do not tease me for the next 7.5 weeks. Treat the next 7.5 weeks as if I am hormonally unbalanced. I am very fragile. It ain’t hormones – it’s house. We…
You know those days? The days when you think you look a certain way, but then, when you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror, you realize that you are overly optimistic? Yesterday morning was one of those days. Yesterday morning the armpit pudge was particularly pulchritudinous. The bastards. I was dressed, ready to…
So yesterday, when I was publicizing the – FLASH FREEZE WARNING – I should have realized that it would come back and bite me in the ass. By 9:45 a.m. the puddles were already sporting a thin sheet of ice. I found myself in a a reverse time-lapse of the spring thaw. In my well-laced…
I’m Canadian. An Air Force brat, I split my formative years between the Maritimes and Prairies (PEI, Manitoba, Nova Scotia, back to Manitoba – with a brief anomaly in California in ’81 and ’82 – until I finished high school and then I found myself an Ontarian). I remember those winters in Nova Scotia and…
You wouldn’t think her head could do a 360 would you? Or she’s possessed. It’s an either/or I think. We were all lazing about during the Christmas holidays – comfy and cozy in the family room – in front of the fireplace, and Minuit – the most crotchety of our beasts – went cuckoo bananas….
Now I doubt my intelligence and smell like cat shit. Yes it’s kitty litter day. And every single time I forget that I should be doing this job in a HAZMAT suit so that I don’t reek of cat. I should have kitty litter clothes. I have painting clothes – the ones that I wear…
WARNING: There is an abundance of female information in this post There I sit in Canadian Tire, my ass on the lowest rack in the Home Decor Aisle. Fists in the air… “THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!!” “Ma’am?” For a moment, I morph into a Mesopotamian Demon. Laser beams from my eyes – poor kid…
How did she do it? Vera Ellen, I mean. How could she even stand, let alone DANCE, in White Christmas? We watched it the other night, the girls and I. Yeah, we sang along. Yeah, we rolled our eyes at some of the nostalgic schtick. Yeah, we got teary-eyed when General Waverly came into the…
So this is how it goes is it? I now injure myself sitting. I came home the other night, and I ached, oh how I ached. I could barely walk. My hips, my knees, even my ankles refused give me support. Apparently they were going out dancing, maybe speed skating or snowboarding while I was…….