“Daddy, why do you have those weird bald patches on your legs??” asks Rissa one morning. “I’m not sure,” says David, standing in his basketball-length exercise shorts. He peers down at his hairy limbs. “These ones here…” he points to his calves and shins, “are probably from socks rubbing…” He points to his ankles –…
It’s Rissa’s fault. She sent me a video, “Orangutan makes friend with dog.” Next thing you know, I’m using the You Tube taster’s menu down the right side of the page. Instead of exercising before work, I’m surfing You Tube – watching dozens of animals videos. I could have at least gone into work early,…
Way back when… you know, in the Stone Age… when David and I first got together… We had the best foreplay. We did. It was amazing. We’d snuggle on the couch, as close as two people could be without actually being conjoined, sigh and smile… our hands touching, our minds of a single purpose. Everything…
“Pass me the scalpel,” I say. “No,” says David. “Please?” “No.” “Don’t you even want to know what it’s for?” “No.” “I’m not going to use it for anything bad.” “You’re going to cut into your body right?” “Well, yeah, but just…” “And it’ll probably be near an important artery, right?” “I would completely avoid…
Those parents who do not force our children to kiss their leathery Aunt Marjorie upon first meeting, aren’t doing it to ‘portend doom’ (“Why children need to feel the pinch,” Macleans, May 13, 20013). We do it so that our children will listen to their natural fight or flight response. Yes, it used to be…
WARNING: Female things will be discussed So you know how when women are around each other a lot, they can start to synch up their menstrual cycles? Well in peri-menopause that morphs into Period Ping Pong. My girlfriend Anne-Marie and I are racing to see who can stop menstruating first. “I’ll see your 23-day cycle…
I must have been on crack when I thought I could do it. I agreed to ride with actual bike riders who ride many, many kilometers. For fun. I was being ‘one of the gang,’ I was supporting a cause. I was out of my freaking mind. When I think of bike riding in the…
I was bad last weekend. I ate bad things. I made bad food choices. It began innocently with gluten and sugar, then devolved into potato chips, corn twists, cookies and then ended with (shudder) amusement park donuts. Although I did discover that Chester’s Corn Twists… Pretty much gluten free! Although deep fried in oil. My…
WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE in this post. As I checked my email Sunday morning, this note, in Rissa’s handwriting, was to the left of the keyboard: AWESOME LEVIATHAN FACTS! 306 feet high, 80 degree drop, 148 km/h, 32 passengers p/car That was the first time on Sunday that I thought I might woof my cookies. The…
On 100,000 Pyramid. On Facebook. Because I’m such a geek. And what’s stupid? I get anxious when I play. I start freaking out… when I can’t think of the word. My angina kicks in a bit. I give myself angina playing a game on Facebook. I am a ginormous dufus. It’s understandable though. On account…