Originally, David wants me to go to our local Community Theatre’s Costume Shop and “pick up a black suit that should fit.” He is perplexed when I explain that were I to pick out a suit without him there, that the suit would not fit. “You’re going to actually have to try a suit on.”…
I’m standing in the kitchen – fighting with a safety pin to ensure that my tatas don’t escape my cotton summer dress. The sweat is… everywhere. My forehead, neck, décolletage… Between my shoulder blades, the curve of my ass… MY FUCKING SHINS! I start to hyperventilate in discomfort. I’m nauseated. David looks at me. “Love, are…
It felt as though we were missing a limb for about eight months, but we managed to survive Rissa’s first year at university. However, with no one to “adult” for, we devolved into teenagers ourselves. We forgot to do laundry, haphazardly cleaned the house and rarely grocery shopped. Rissa would come home for a weekend…
Did you know that to get new countertops you have to purchase entirely new base cabinets upon which you can place said countertops? It doesn’t seem logical to me. I mean, when you’ve got cabinets… …FUNCTIONING… underneath the countertops, surely I can remove the existing countertops, attach the new ones, et voilà! BRAND NEW KITCHEN!!! Now perhaps…
I feel it happening almost as soon as I step outside of the conference. By the time I make my way to the top of Columbus Circle I know it’s a goner. It’s gotta be the cold air. My thighs have gone cold with the breezy NY air. My left thigh still has some warmth,…
Dear Heather: “We are writing to invite you to get checked for colon (bowel) cancer.” I’m sorry, you’re…? reads the sentence again… You’re inviting me to WHAT?? “After age 50, your risk of getting this disease goes up.” How much? How MUCH does it go up?? Could I get actual percentages here? Into what level of panic…
Ah, to have friends who share their cottage life! The bonfires! The smores! The water activities!! DAY 1 David, 45, who spent his youthful summers at one cottage or other – boating, fishing and excelling at every water sport – is the first in the water – skiing. He gets up on the skis first…
THE CHARACTERS Steve – An orange Tom cat – goofy, playful, more than a little bit dumb Lola – A very petite black cat – nervous, silly, terrified if you pick her up. Minuit – A rotund, older black cat – crotchety, belligerent, sounds like…
Feeling too structured in your cycle? Wanting more spontaneity in your underwear choices? TRY PERI-MENOPAUSE!! Women all over the world are now enjoying less frequent periods while still getting all the blood loss they typically had–in shorter (or sometimes longer) times! “I’m just thrilled with having my period again for the 2nd time in two weeks!”…
I finally take the leap. After years of sewing and resewing, I toss my decade-old leggings with their worn, next-to-nonexistent inner thigh seams into the garbage. And just to be sure that I won’t fish them out again when that bout of clothing nostalgia hits, I cover them in more garbage. Which means that I…