It took 15 years, but I have finally done it! I have replenished the shoe cache that I had before Rissa was born. Pre-Rissa I had a… I’m not going to call it a shoe fetish, ’cause it wasn’t like I was humping them or anything… instead I’ll call it a shoe… fascination. I had…
WARNING: I USE BAD WORDS IN THIS POST Fuck peri-menopause. FUCK IT!!! I do my best, I really do, I try to find the silver fucking lining to pretty much everything, but COME ON!!! I am sitting here drenched as I type. Because why? Because I had fucking Chinese food! Apparently MSG can trigger hot…
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!” from Rissa downstairs. “What? What is it?” I bolt to the top of the stairs. “This! JUST. LOOK. AT. THESE. PICTURES!“ “What are you looking at!?!” “I signed up for the House Hippo Instagram feed…” Oh thank God… She hadn’t found any of those pictures… House Hippos AKA Skinny Pigs AKA Hairless Guinea Pigs. …
Heat and hormones don’t mix. I get mean in the heat. You know when you can hear yourself losing it? When vitriolic tones spill from your lips and you don’t even want to be around you? That’s me in the dog days of summer. The rest of the year I do my best to be…
Sitting naked on the side of the bathtub. Legs out over the edge. Wet hair dripping into the tub. Humming “Smoke on the Water” to myself. David stops on his way to the bedroom. “Are you okay?” “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” His eyebrows low on his forehead. “Why are you sitting there like that?” “I’m…
They sell food at Winners. Gourmet food. High-end, gluten-free, organic, tri-coloured pasta type food. For a fraction of regular high-end, gluten-free, organic type prices. If I wanted to have a 12 year Balsamic Vinegar at bargain prices, I can get it. Now, on occasion, I will spend 5 times as much for a specialty…
“Blergh.” “You okay love?” asks David solicitously. “Heat. Blergh. Sticky. Thighs… chafing…” “But you’re not even moving – your thighs can’t be chafing if you’re not moving.” “You’d think that would be the case, wouldn’t you? It’s because I’m just thinking of moving. My thighs, they know that I’m thinking of moving, and they’ve already…
You wake up in the morning and do the zombie shuffle to the bathroom. The light goes on; your ill-prepared eyes close – too much light, too soon. Your pasty mouth makes a smasking sound as you open and close it, you wonder what crawled in to die overnight. You stick out your tongue, making sure…
“I’m going to have a quick shower!” I say, heading up the stairs. “O….kay…” This from David in the kitchen, his tone oddly sarcastic. “Pardon?” I say – ducking down to catch his eye. “Nothing,” he shrugs before smiling falsely. The temperature in the room has dropped about 15 degrees. “Is something going on?” I…
“Would you mind grabbing my phone from the Jeep?” asks my friend Meaghan, as she’s filling out some paperwork at the permits desk. “Sure, no problem,” I say. I head out to the parking lot towards her white Jeep SUV. Try the doors. Locked. Run back inside. “Keys. I’ll need the keys,” I say. “Oh,…