When I was younger, I worshipped at the altar of white flour. My Mom would get these crusty Kaiser rolls – the ones you could select with the fancy tongs in the bakery dept. I would devour them – butter slathered all over their fluffy insides. No protein anywhere to be found. Just bread and…
“Don’t crash while I’m doing this,” I say as I unbuckle my seat belt. “O….kay,” says David – eyes now glued to the road in front of him. His peripherals have extended to a 6 foot radius around the car. We’re on our way to the airport. Rissa is travelling to Vancouver. BY HERSELF. At…
“You guys just don’t understand!!” “Nobody else’s mother does this, you know…” “Yes, but this needs to be documented! I’ve been suffering for at least two weeks now!” I’m sitting at the computer with the web cam. “She’s right Heather, this is weird… even for you.” “Why are you guys laughing?” “Why? Because not only…
What’s most difficult, is telling them all apart. I’ve had to invest in a high-resolution magnifying glass in order to differentiate. I’m thinking of sewing wee little smocks with their names on them. Alistair, Bernice, Connal, Dee, Ernest… I’m going for asexual in style – I don’t want to limit them. Should they decide in…
My friend Matt made me a drink a couple of weekends back: bourbon, ginger ale, lime juice, mint, a sugar cube and ice – you know, to cool it all off and make it perfect for sipping in the backyard. Just typing the ingredient list sets my salivary glands headlong into a sweet drool. I…
Just a while back, I had a bra-piphany. I was saved. I learned that I could spin my bra so that I wouldn’t have to do it up in the back, thereby saving me from further damage to the rotator cuff on my right arm and also saving me from having to replace my entire…
Oh, those iconic 80s dance films…. Quick! Name the winners! For me it’s three Fs, a D and a W – Fame, Flashdance and Footloose – Dirty Dancing and White Nights. Rissa had already seen Footloose, Dirty Dancing and White Nights – I got it into my head that she needed to see the other…
“CHIPMUNK!!“ “Where? Where?” “There, by the BBQ – Lola’s losing her mind” Lola is at the screen door, nose pressed to the mesh, tail flicking, teetch chattering. “There! Do you see him?” “Where?” “There! Now he’s by the post!” “Where?” “There! Now he’s by the bike tire…” *** “BUNNY!!!!“ “Where? Where?” “There! Half way…
When I look at Rissa now, I can’t remember her as a toddler. Even when I see photos of her from that time, it’s like I’m looking at somebody else’s kid. I know that she was this small elfin child, but that child bears next to no resemblance to the tall, poised 14 year…
When you find pants that fit you perfectly – the pair that turns your derriere into the Holy Grail of asses – the pair that makes your ankles look edible – those pants – you buy those in bulk. Retro style cigarette pants. Just above the ankle. Audrey Hepburnesque. My version of the cigarette pant…