In lieu of writing…
I am posting this… and so usher in the beginning of the holiday season… Merry Christmas! (Who knew that Kmart had it in ’em?)
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My husband’s so mean…
“Just rip it out!! Please,” I begged. “Oh, love, I can’t,” said David. “Yes, yes, you can! Just take a spoon, or your thumb, or a FREAKING NAIL FILE, and pop out my eye. Scramble it if you have to, but get it out!!! Any of those will hurt less than the invisible railroad spike…
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And good morning to you…
Ggggggggggrowl… grumble… grumble… grumble… “Stupid yoga pants! Stupid bra! My boobs don’t belong in a bra yet!” grumble… grumble… grumble… Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. “Stupid stairs.” Trip. Slip. “Stupid cat toy!” grumble… grumble… grumble… “Stupid morning.” “Still sleepy, huh?” Rissa comes over, enveloping me in a purple terry cloth hug. grumble… grumble… grumble… “Not awake yet…”…
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Hot flashes and flatulence.
I fell off the wagon last week – again. I answered the siren call of caffeine and gluten. We’ve got one of those single serve Keurig coffee machines at the office and I’m always jealous because there are all these snazzy, olfactorily orgasmic caffeinated flavours, wafting their way through the office air. Flavours that people…
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THIS is R-rated?!?
WARNING – THIS POST IS RATED R FOR LANGUAGE. Rissa saw her first R rated film when she was probably 10. Yep, we were those parents. The movie was Love Actually. You know the one… Richard Curtis’s quintessential feel-good Christmas film? Probably one of the sweetest holiday movies ever? The one where even the most…
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I’ve been HIT!!!
BANG! Even on this windy, windy November’s day, the sound ricocheted off buildings. “What the hell was that?” David asked. I looked around wildly. “I don’t know, I don’t know!” My shoulder ached a bit. “Are you okay? Were you hit?” David gave me the once over, checking for blood. “I think maybe… I don’t…
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Oh yeah, I’m HIP… *
Oh yeah, I’m on the cutting edge… On my way home yesterday, it became apparent that I could never be one of those kids who wears his pants half-way down his ass. As I was cutting through the Via Rail parking lot, I could feel the waistband of my tights begin to give. I’ve had…
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How bad days become brilliant.
Last Saturday we were having a house showing. Our house isn’t even on the market, but our former real estate agent will send city folks to see our place every now and again if they want a massive century home that takes 4 hours to clean. Prepping one’s house for a showing has to be…
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I have the PERFECT idea for Dragon’s Den!
WARNING: THERE IS TOO MUCH INFORMATION IN THIS POST. Winter in Canada. Cold, right? In some places VERY COLD. We’re not even into ACTUAL winter yet and I can see the effects on my poor spouse. We went for a walk on Friday night as the sun was going down and David was unprepared. After…
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Ambushed in the change room!
By my own ass, no less. It’s the 3-way mirror’s fault. Feeling great about myself – finding that cute perfect-for-me dress – that I actually have the money in hand to pay for – I sashay my ass into the change room. I cast off my clothes and as I’m turning around, I catch a…