Apparently The Nightmare Before Christmas is much to old to garner immediate recognition. Oh God, I just Googled it – 19-freaking-93!!! That is 20 years ago! HOLY CRAP! No wonder I wasn’t recognized. Plus, I was missing some stitched-back-together scars when I went to work in the morning. It was a dark…
Netflix has made me healthier. Well, Netflix and the tablet whereby I can view Netflix, has made me healthier. I take my collapsible treadmill out of the closet in our study, pop on a TV show, hit the START button and go. Minimum 30 minutes a day of guaranteed walking and that’s on top of…
WARNING: THIS POST IS ABOUT SEX WITH YOUNG MEN There are sooooooo many things to enjoy about peri-menopause – it’s hard to pick a favourite. But pretty high on that list would be how my peri-menopausal ovaries take over my higher brain functions when in the presence of young men. My lady bits are apparently…
“BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!! Look at them! LOOK AT THEM!!!” “You’re a dog!” says Rissa. “No, I’m not!” says I. “You’re totally a dog. You’re all like… talking, talking, talking, conversing while walking… SQUIRREL!!!!“ “You can’t tell me that you weren’t entertained watching those two squirrels chase each other around and around that pine tree. And then when…
WARNING: There are inferred epithets in this post. “HOLY $*&! MOTHER – &@%!%# JESUS! “ After dinner, on the nights when we’re not over-programmed to the nth degree – David likes to change into his pj pants and a nice warm sweater. We’ll snuggle in on the family room sofa and he’ll either read or…
thump… thump… thump… I didn’t think they were that smart. Minuit, in particular, seems like she doesn’t have two synapses to rub together. Steve will frequently roll off the ottoman by accident and Lola – well Lola is the sneakiest of the bunch – but it’s not like she’s doing cat calculus in her spare…
There are the foods you should be eating… You know, iron-fortified foods, brown rice, lentils, dairy products, fish… all supposed to help with PMS and all, frankly, bullshit. We don’t want them, we don’t eat them. We find our own ways to get through the inconvenience of bleeding from our vaginas. My Top Ten Period…
For the second time in my life I am catastrophically clumsy. I didn’t get the memo. The one where it tells you that when you hit peri-menopause you enter your second adolescence. I trip,slip, bump into things, drop dishes, stub my toes and fall up the stairs. Not down, but up. My dork factor is…
Last night at bedtime. “New career path Mummy! No longer will I be a chiropractor or massage therapist. I will now be… a NINJA. My catch phrase shall be “You will never see me coming!” From her position lying in the bed, Rissa launches herself up at me, pulling me flat against her chest, her…
Cause it gives me hot flashes. And now, apparently… Night Terrors. Not just regular nightmares, but crazy-ass, finding out that Nate Berkus, in addition to being an interior designer, is the leader of a boy band who has people eviscerated when you discover that they are 100% auto-tuned, full-on NIGHT FREAKING TERRORS. I had two…