Edith Vonnegut’s Sunblock I can burn after 2.5 minutes of sun exposure. This is not hyperbole. The sun in 2013 is different than when I was a kid. Sure I used to burn if I went completely without sunblock, but it wasn’t in 2.5 minutes, I can tell you that. I lived in California for…
If I’m going to get screwed, I’d like to be in on it. I’m not generally a passive participant. I don’t just lie back and think of the Queen. If I’m getting well and truly screwed I want to enjoy it. I want to scream operatically with release when it gets really good. Naked in…
I have friends who don’t share with their kids. They don’t want their kids to know that they used to smoke up outside the back entrance of their high school around the dumpsters. They don’t talk about pregnancy scares. They omit the drinking an entire mickey of tequila before heading to a dance and then…
One of my absolute favourite things in the entire world is movie theatre popcorn. With extra butter salt. It’s pretty much like crack to me. Our local theatre has a shaker of butter salt that they leave out for the patrons. I shake it on and delight in my sodium intake. Having popcorn at the…
I’m not a ‘half-measures’ kind of gal. If I’m doing something, it’s usually at full tilt. I’m very ‘event oriented.’ I go on a blitz right up until an event starts. One year for Rissa’s birthday party, my Mom couldn’t believe that I was sewing slipcovers for the our patio cushions 5 minutes before arrival…
WARNING: Adult language in this post I know, I know… That’s not what what’s-her-face says in Love Story. Ali MacGraw. The correct quotation is “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Which I think is a shitty quotation. What kind of douche are you if you don’t apologize for the shit you do? The…
WARNING: This post is about porn. Please don’t call CAS, but I wish I could show my daughter porn. I’m NOT GOING TO because I know that people would totally freak out about it, but I wish that I could. And before you start getting on your “You’re going to hell” and “You should be…
This morning I awoke to the mother of all migraines. She looked like this: Meg Mucklebones from Ridley Scott’s Legend The 1 inch of sunlight from beneath the blind – that tiny amount of light – was akin to having good ol’ Meg use her lovely fingernails to gouge out my baby blues. I popped…
4 days. I left them for 4 days. I tried. I really did. I was making a point. My point: do your own frickin’ dishes! There weren’t even that many: a frying pan Rissa had used for scrambled eggs, cutlery, some serving utensils, that green, silicone, paint-stick-style stirrer and some wee ice cream bowls. I…
Steve didn’t show up for breakfast on Saturday morning. Which worried the crap out of me because the last time Steve didn’t show up for food, he almost died and we spent $1400 at the vet. My heart sank. I was going to find him dead. I was going to go down into the basement…