WARNING: THERE IS FOUL LANGUAGE IN THIS POST I bit the bullet. I bought a pregnancy test. Even though I’m in peri-menopause and David is fixed. I used it yesterday afternoon, right before my Mom, Dad and brother Michael came to visit. I peed for “at least 3 seconds” and “no more than 5.” I…
I used to go to Saturday matinees at the CFB Winnipeg movie theatre. Between the ages of 5 and 8, I’d get dropped off with a girlfriend (probably Kristen), we’d enjoy our 2 hours with snacks and then late in the afternoon we’d emerge bleary-eyed into the sunlight seeking out our parents’ waiting arms. When…
Is what I’m thinking because I haven’t had my period now in 12 weeks. I know I’m in peri-menopause and all, but there’s still this little part of me that worries, you know? It worries that this extra weight which I can’t seem to get rid of lately, no matter how much I over-exercise and…
1984. I was 16. I had a crush on a kid three years my junior. He was strong, he was brave, he was determined. He was open-vested. Atreyu. (sigh) Oh Atreyu. Screaming to save Artax – yanking on those frickin’ reins. And then (SPOILER ALERT) the damn horse drowns and now, almost 30 years later,…
We recently went to a wedding. At this wedding there were many young, beautiful couples – years, perhaps dozens of years, younger than us. We were seated with one of these couples. They were hip and happening and ‘NOW.’ But they sure as shit didn’t know how to kiss. I watched this beautifully coiffed and…
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. I was driving into Toronto to see a friend’s show. I had Q107.1 on (the home of classic rock) – it was Psychedelic Sunday and a Beatles A-Z weekend. The tunes were stellar. I made sure I checked the highway update signs all the way along my route. …
Lesley has chicks. Baby chicken-type chicks. In her house. Four adorable balls of feathery fluff. I can barely contain my “squeeeee” of joy within the confines of my head. I have picked them all up – pressed them against my cheek. They are fluffy yellow examples of the perfection of our universe. I just found…
I had a good week last week, I really did. I was a good girl. I limited my intake of all the bad-for-me stuff. I did. I didn’t eat after 7:00 p.m. I had club soda with lime instead of the Rusty Nails and Chocolate Martinis that called to me. Until Saturday night. That night…
I have hallucinations during the night. The hallucinations generally centre around the ceiling fan in our bedroom. The fan turns into a starfish, an alien life-form or a hobbled octopus missing three legs. The other night it was a Robotic Spider. Matrix-like in its design, with cameras in its abdomen – massive eyes, whirring noise,…
You know how some people don’t want to go to the doctor because they just know it’s going to be bad news? We don’t want to put our extension ladder up to the roof for the same reason. In spite of the fact that our good neighbour Neil was pretty sure he saw a family…