We recently went to a wedding. At this wedding there were many young, beautiful couples – years, perhaps dozens of years, younger than us. We were seated with one of these couples. They were hip and happening and ‘NOW.’ But they sure as shit didn’t know how to kiss. I watched this beautifully coiffed and…
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. I was driving into Toronto to see a friend’s show. I had Q107.1 on (the home of classic rock) – it was Psychedelic Sunday and a Beatles A-Z weekend. The tunes were stellar. I made sure I checked the highway update signs all the way along my route. …
Lesley has chicks. Baby chicken-type chicks. In her house. Four adorable balls of feathery fluff. I can barely contain my “squeeeee” of joy within the confines of my head. I have picked them all up – pressed them against my cheek. They are fluffy yellow examples of the perfection of our universe. I just found…
I had a good week last week, I really did. I was a good girl. I limited my intake of all the bad-for-me stuff. I did. I didn’t eat after 7:00 p.m. I had club soda with lime instead of the Rusty Nails and Chocolate Martinis that called to me. Until Saturday night. That night…
I have hallucinations during the night. The hallucinations generally centre around the ceiling fan in our bedroom. The fan turns into a starfish, an alien life-form or a hobbled octopus missing three legs. The other night it was a Robotic Spider. Matrix-like in its design, with cameras in its abdomen – massive eyes, whirring noise,…
You know how some people don’t want to go to the doctor because they just know it’s going to be bad news? We don’t want to put our extension ladder up to the roof for the same reason. In spite of the fact that our good neighbour Neil was pretty sure he saw a family…
Visiting a dude whose job is to stick his hand up your hooha is not my favourite thing – (unless that dude is my husband) – but I don’t dread it. I don’t get all freaked out about it. I usually sit back with a magazine while I’m waiting… sometimes I read during the exam. …
Rissa’s playing soccer this summer. She and David went out to buy equipment. She came back with shin guards, snazzy cleats and… nose plugs. You know, for all those underwater games. I threw a look at David. He shrugged. Rissa put on the nose plugs and complained that they didn’t feel right. “I don’t think…
I think I understand why those little jewelry boxes had those pop-up ballerinas in them. Minature ballerinas make you feel good. You want a sure-fire cure for feeling like shit? Go see the Pre-Ballet routines in a dance recital. Seriously. Bad moods cannot survive a toddler in a tutu NOT doing a dance number. Tow-headed,…
Rissa murdered my hair dryer. It was a crafting catastrophe. One minute she was melting crayons on a canvas – the next my hair dryer was the victim of too much “on.” We suggested she use the heat gun. “That sounds dangerous.” “No, not if you use it correctly. It’s meant to be super hot.”…