Rissa, at the best of times, can make words sound nothing like they’re supposed to. Last night she made a weird-ass shape around her belly button, said “DRACULA BELLY BUTTON!” and then dissolved into giggles. David and I were mystified as to what vampires and belly buttons had to do with one another. “DRACULA belly…
David is massaging my feet. He is the best spouse. We’d returned from an after-dinner walk; instead of me taking the lead, I’d been dragging my feet a bit, looking a little low. (I’d had a cardiologist’s appointment in the morning. More tests – this one with me wearing an air-tight mask, riding a…
Upon her return from school, Rissa makes her way into the kitchen. I am writing in the dining room. “There’s leftover tosada stuff in the fridge and some cherry tomatoes,” I direct from my post at the laptop. Après school snack reminders are much needed for my child, who, when her blood-sugar is low, can…
Madmen open fire at a Mother’s Day parade in New Orleans – but this isn’t news?? How has this NOT been on the front page of my CBC newsfeed since Sunday? Oh wait. Only 19 people were wounded. Nobody died, so it’s not newsworthy. What, did the pitch sessions post ‘incident” have news networks postulating,…
“Daddy, why do you have those weird bald patches on your legs??” asks Rissa one morning. “I’m not sure,” says David, standing in his basketball-length exercise shorts. He peers down at his hairy limbs. “These ones here…” he points to his calves and shins, “are probably from socks rubbing…” He points to his ankles –…
It’s Rissa’s fault. She sent me a video, “Orangutan makes friend with dog.” Next thing you know, I’m using the You Tube taster’s menu down the right side of the page. Instead of exercising before work, I’m surfing You Tube – watching dozens of animals videos. I could have at least gone into work early,…
Way back when… you know, in the Stone Age… when David and I first got together… We had the best foreplay. We did. It was amazing. We’d snuggle on the couch, as close as two people could be without actually being conjoined, sigh and smile… our hands touching, our minds of a single purpose. Everything…
“Pass me the scalpel,” I say. “No,” says David. “Please?” “No.” “Don’t you even want to know what it’s for?” “No.” “I’m not going to use it for anything bad.” “You’re going to cut into your body right?” “Well, yeah, but just…” “And it’ll probably be near an important artery, right?” “I would completely avoid…
Those parents who do not force our children to kiss their leathery Aunt Marjorie upon first meeting, aren’t doing it to ‘portend doom’ (“Why children need to feel the pinch,” Macleans, May 13, 20013). We do it so that our children will listen to their natural fight or flight response. Yes, it used to be…
WARNING: Female things will be discussed So you know how when women are around each other a lot, they can start to synch up their menstrual cycles? Well in peri-menopause that morphs into Period Ping Pong. My girlfriend Anne-Marie and I are racing to see who can stop menstruating first. “I’ll see your 23-day cycle…