Big time. Really a lot. I mean, HOLY CRAP does death suck! You think you’re doing okay until the deathiversary happens. That day bitch slaps you every time. Four years gone and your heart ruptures all over again – an explosion of cardiac tissue splattering your rib cage and spine. You struggle for breath. A…
In the continuing saga of how Heather is a brain-dead bunny… Apparently, I caused my own withdrawal. Because why? Because I am a moron. I mean, seriously. WHAT. THE. FUCK. There should be a picture of me next to the “Do not operate heavy machinery” warning. Last week? When I tried to circumvent the pharmacy…
I don’t know if it was a byproduct of me still jonesing for my angina meds or the couple of glasses of wine I had last night during dinner, but Sweet Bleeding Yoni – Saturday night’s night-sweats were EPIC. Jenn from The IT Crowd during Aunt Irma’s visit I was UP. All night. Every hour…
Last weekend, my Mom and I were discussing periods. You know, in that mother/daughter bonding/commiserative sort of way. We waxed nostalgic about the days we started – she, the first day of high school… I, the evening after I’d been sexually molested by adolescent youths from my mixed softball team… Mom then recounted, in minute…
Okay, seriously? Peri-menopause AND withdrawal symptoms?!? WHAT. THE. FUCK. Just frickin’ shoot me now. Last week, when I went to the pharmacy to refill my angina medication, they told me the scrip was over a year old and that they had to contact the physician to see if he would okay it. Admittedly, the prescription…
I’m taking baby aspirin. In these wee, tiny, little pills – scattered amongst my morning vitamins. They seem so innocent and nothing at all like blood thinners. Recently, when I maybe, just perhaps, gouged compulsively into my inner thigh, digging for a covert ingrown hair (for the love of Eastern Block Estheticians, can we please…
I think I need to eat more. At meal times. Since I started working ‘outside the home’ again, my eating habits have gone to utter crap. Over lunch I usually have a dozen rice crackers with one of those wee cans of tuna – or maybe I’ll have a Lara Bar and wash it down…
This song was playing this morning – on our way to Easter Brunch… All I could think was… PERFECT JESUS THEME SONG!!! I just had to make this: Jesus sings The Clash Then later I thought what if they rolled back the stone, and found this Easter morning? So I had to make this one:…
I bought them. I know I did. I specifically got a container of the non-salted roasted almonds in the bulk section at the No Frills. I remember, because last time? I’d bought the salted roasted almonds and now as I’m trying to cut down on my salt intake, I picked up the non-salted kind. On…
“Hey Mummy, would you say this is weird?” Says Rissa, upon her arrival home from school. She pokes her head around the corner and sticks her tongue out of her mouth and makes this noise: “Lardl-lardl-lardl-lardl…” “Yes. I would say that is weird.” “How ’bout this?” She ducks out of view for a second and…