“So, how was your day?” I ask Rissa. “People looked at me weird when Nerine was holding my leg while I was feeling up my inner thigh.” Beat, two, three… I close my eyes for a moment. “O…kay… Explanation…?” “In Science we were using plasticine and toothpicks for a project, and I ended up sitting…
Have I pissed off some ancient Fertility Goddess? Did I poop on Hera’s cornflakes? Forget to return Mama Quilla’s call? Accidentally take Nim-inna’s name in vain? ‘Cause it’s only been 17 days. SEVENTEEN FREAKING DAYS!! It’s stress. It’s got to be. I mean, I forgot to take my special herbal cyclical-extension remedy pill once last…
I’ve been collecting David’s belly button lint. In the lip of my crystal ring holder. You know, just to see how much we can actually accumulate over the course of the year. David’s pretty hairy, so during the course of a regular day, his chest hair and “Happy Trail,” move the lint from inside a…
There used to be a time when I could drink flavoured Nescafe instant coffee and think it was good. I drank it weak. I drank it full of sugar. Really what I drank was a hot milk shake with what amounted to a wee bit of coffee flavouring. Then it all changed with Alice. Alice…
…AKA a box of Timbits. I’m not supposed to eat Timbits. They’re full of gluten and sugar and everything that can push me to edge of a sugar coma. But when they’re on a table, right in front of a gal? And when you haven’t had a snack? And when you’re in the middle of…
We had plans. Last weekend we were going to get naked. We were going to waggle our eyebrows suggestively. We were going to get sweaty from the ‘bouncy-bouncy.” We had plans. You know what David and I ended up doing? Having an Epsom Salts bath and collapsing into separate sleep comas. We spent our Saturday…
When you’re pregnant you become a public commodity. Strangers ask you your business, tell you whether you’re having a boy or a girl and have opinions on what foods go in your cart at the No Frills. Way back when… when I was pregnant with Rissa – I was working in an office. I did…
My friend Lesley B shared a Vimeo video gift with me. She said “This might be the greatest thing ever.” I’m pretty sure she’s right. The film is by Bianca Giaever (who just graduated from Middlebury College in Middlebury VT), entitled The Scared is Scared. The story is written by Asa Baker-Rouse – a six…
Oh Noro Virus – you yellow rat bastard… You don’t just take the 24-48 hours of hovering near-death from your sufferers, but you take the “still contagious” time after the infected begin to improve. So even though I’m now only slightly nauseated and achy and could probably handle getting back to work if I were…
www.ebaumsworld.com Or raccoons. It could be raccoons. Whatever’s up there sounds bigger than squirrels. And I think they brought tools. Or maybe they’re just taking chunks of the old brick chimney and using them as tools to dismantle the boards that we placed over the eaves the last time the raccoons decided to take up…