My soy milk refuses to foam. It takes two failed foam attempts before I grab the tetra pack and double check the label. Low Fat Soy. Low Fat Soy does not foam. And not only does it NOT foam – it tastes like shit. I check the pantry – there are two more of the…
WARNING: CYCLICAL FEMININE CONTENT Me in the bathroom, minding my own business, just peeing… I thought. Until I go to wipe and… “WHAT THE?!? It can’t have been 23 days! I just had it!!” I rush to the calendar in the kitchen and count from my last Red Sharpie-circled days. I am right on schedule. …
My name is Heather and I am an underwear addict. I have over 67 pairs of underwear. Which, when you looking at it from a less compulsive consumerist way, means that I can NOT do laundry for more than 2 months!!! I counted them as I was trying to squirrel away the freshly laundered undergarments…
Had to share this video from the Netherlands… Two Dutch television hosts Dennis Storm and Valerio Zena offered to experience the pain of childbirth. Of course their birthing experience didn’t include vomiting, involuntary pooping/diarrhea, bursting facial blood vessels, having a ‘taint’ torn/sliced and then sutured after the fact… but good on them for being guinea…
This is how much David and Rissa love me. They bought me THESE at our local charity shop!! Aren’t they the absolute best?!? I think they’re supposed to be be mice, but they look more like muskrats to me on account of their poufy head fur and long tails. And then when I really looked…
We’re producing Peter Pan.* I’m directing, David is the tech director and Rissa is dancing. Sunday is our big rehearsal day. Our family is at the rehearsal hall all day, which means that no one is home to prep dinner. Which means that by the time we get home for dinner? We have Resort Food. …
Before we bought our beautiful heritage house, we had a meeting with the bank where they looked at our debt ratio. I was depressed. I was sure that we wouldn’t be able to afford the house. But then, miracles of miracles, the bank said yes we could. The bank lied. In the 70s? My family…
I am an archer. My arms stretch in opposing directions, pulling the nylon. But unlike the Olympic bulls-eye 229 feet away, my target is closer. The nylon/spandex thong in my hands is pulled near-to-tearing so that I may circumnavigate my hips. I’m Magellan! Boy shorts don’t cause this problem. Boy shorts squoosh everything into…
At the dinner table: I say to David, “You know what Will Smith movie we should see again? Six Degrees of Separation…” “Six degrees?” Rissa looks perplexed. “Yes, it’s a phrase that talks about the interconnectedness of…” “That’s like this big.” (She holds her fingers apart by this much, indicating the angle.) “That’s wee.” “Yes…
There was a discussion around the dinner table about how many teenagers in the Family Studies class at David’s school have ended up pregnant since the course began. A lot. Like more than a handful. These girls are in a class that GIVES them condoms and information on how NOT to get pregnant! I might…