My weekend is full of Santa Claus Parades and Peter Pan rehearsals – so we’re into reruns… *** I’m not Scarlett O’Hara, which means a regular guy will not ever be able to sweep up into his arms. I was reminded of this the other night when David hugged me. I jumped up and wrapped…
I should just un-subscribe. That’d be the sane thing to do. From Old Navy and Ikea. From the Gap and Sears. From Style at Home and Banana Republic. UNSUBSCRIBE HEATHER!!! I don’t have money to buy any crap from any of the retailers who send me their online flyers. I have financial blinders on. We…
So… I put down catnip last night. This is the conversation I overhead. Minuit: (immediately pawing, huffing and rolling in afore-mentioned catnip) This shit is great! OH MY GOD! This is the best shit I’ve ever had! Lola: I wanna try, let me try, let me… (sniff, sniff, roll) oh WOW!!! Steve: I don’t feel…
I catch myself doing it. Yesterday was Pink Shirt Day at school in support of anti-bullying. Rissa loathes pink – she was wearing a coral coloured shirt. “I thought you were wearing pink today… for the anti-bullying thing.” “This is pink.” pause, 2, 3, 4… “That’s not pink.” “Yes it is.” “Rissa I hate to…
I hate the faux Christians. Love, love, LOVE the real ones – I know a bunch and they are the kindest, most supportive and liberal-minded folks out there. The faux ones? They’re the ones who hide behind the Bible and pretend to be all godly, but are actually prejudiced, racist and pretty much ignorant of,…
“Anything interesting happen in school today?” “My Mom lost to Your Mom.” I gave her a look. She sighed, despairing for my ignorance. “In dodgeball today. We lost.” Ah yes. Rissa was in a Dodgeball tournament. She and her friends were split between two teams. Rissa’s team was “My Mom” and the other team was…
Is it hot in here? I have solved the impending energy crisis! It’s so simple. We hook up all the women in the world who are having hot flashes… into a power grid. Women ‘of a certain age’ giving off their heat – the combined estrus would produce more energy than the SUN. As long…
So this appeared in my news feed recently… Movember moustaches may hold hazards Seriously? This is a news story? What is the CBC doing? And show of hands, how many men out there don’t wash? And by that I mean EVER. How many don’t wash their faces EVER? How many don’t take the time to…
Or… I’m being possessed by the spirits of homophones past. Instead of the word ‘do’ I type ‘due.’ Instead of ‘red’ I type ‘read.’ I actually typed ‘aisle’ instead of ‘I’ll’ this morning. So? Any thoughts? Any closet neurologists out there? ‘Cause right now? I think I might be in a cross between Memento,…
The phrase “SPARE NO EXPENSE!!!” would readily fall from my lips. My holiday shopping would be joyfully a la carte. I would tip with bills, not toonies. I don’t have that kind of disposal income… right now. But very soon, very soon (insert scheming world-domination maniacal laughter here) it shall come to pass… So here’s…