I know that I know this… Give me a sec… Starts with a B maybe??? So lately, at least a 1/2 dozen times a day, I lose my nouns. Yesterday I couldn’t remember the word BANJO. I could see the thing in my mind, knew it was roundish on one end, that you play it…
I hear these words coming out of my mouth: “Oh it’s just the microvascular angina, hypothyroidism and the reynaud’s syndrome….” I think: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!! You are not an 83 year old woman, just say you’re ‘fine’! When someone asks you how you are, JUST SAY FINE!!! Nobody wants to hear it. …
Flyers… oh, sweet, non-denominational deity, the holiday flyers that have begun arriving at our house. GIANT EXPERTS’ SALE! HOLIDAY BLOWOUTS! BREED YOUR OWN REINDEER! I want, nay verily, I NEED, a Self-Shaping Pre-Lit 8′ Fir Tree for a mere $399.00! No wait! There is a 7′ Pre-Lit Flocked Blue Spruce which has FAKE SNOW on…
This weekend is the weekend things are supposed to get done. Caulking (snerk – yes, I have the mind of a 12 year-old boy) of windows and such. Maybe even a hedge trimming (snerk). Round 1 of leaf raking was Thursday. My inner thighs and quads are still complaining about that. I guess I don’t…
Ahhh, the joys of autumn… (Insert contented drinking your cocoa sigh here.) I sit typing at the north end of the dining room. The early afternoon sun warms my shoulders. The house is deliciously warm. If I wanted, I could take my laptop and write in front of a blazing fire in the family room….
…where there aren’t any. We were driving past a farm on the weekend and I was convinced there were zebras grazing. With delighted glee, I thought to myself, “Hey look! ZEBRAS!” I was just about to point them out to David, but as we drove by, I realized that in actuality they were horses wearing…
Clumping cat litter? When it gets covered with a deluge of water? When you’re trying to get it off the floor with paper towels or scoop it up into a dust pan? VERY close, in consistency and appearance, to cat diarrhea. (quelling urge to vomit) Even though I KNOW that it’s NOT cat diarrhea, the…
It’s like every time I have ever reminded her has NEVER happened. Because there it was. In the sink. The empty apple juice bottle, from which Rissa had poured her morning juice, sitting there, IN THE FREAKING SINK!!!! “RISSA!!!!” I grab the bottle and hold it aloft – an impromptu weapon. “Yes Mummy?” She comes…
“I have a plan!” he says. “I know what we can use!” “For what?” “Your outside angina.” “Excuse me?” I gave him the “I couldn’t have possibly heard that correctly” look. He rolls his eyes at me. “AN–gina. I said Angina.” “Okay, that makes WAY more sense to me. I was a bit confused…
Rissa repels blankets. She starts the night all cozy underneath the sheets and duvet and comforter and afghan, all of which she apparently needs to have. “I like the WEIGHT, Mummy. It’s almost like there’s an elephant on me.” David and I reckon we can upgrade to a lead blanket or, perhaps chain mail –…