WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE IN THIS POST Pssssst…. over here! You won’t have to starve yourself! You won’t have to exercise!!! Watch how these other women lost 20, 40, even as much as 75% of their total body weight! Take a couple of tsp of apple cider vinegar before every meal! Spoonfuls of honey speed the…
Asks Rissa. At bedtime. Because she’s crazy. “Mummy, how do snakes actually have sex?” “Pardon?” Gear shift. I was mildly confused as the last thing she’d said had been: “Mummy what if you just started sprouting extra ears all over your head?” As to the snake sex thing, I really hadn’t a clue. I was…
Smiling… laughing – that’s okay, but if you catch me on film/pixels while I’m talking, I look like I’m either in the midst of an epileptic fit, morphing into a velociraptor or channelling Lucille Ball in one of the episodes where she has to deal with stomping grapes or packaging chocolates. Below is a pic…
“Don’t show anyone your boobs online!” “Don’t type anything that you wouldn’t want your grandparents to see!!” I know her friends, they’re all good kids and maybe I’m worrying over nothing at this point, but my mind goes to these freaky places. You know the ones – where my tween daughter is pregnant and hooked…
I’m spending so much time stoned now. Not REALLY stoned. Just migraine medication stoned. And menstrual medication. And arthritis medication. I slept for 4 extra hours one morning after taking the most innocent-looking of pills. It was a wee trapezoid shape – so wee and pretty. It knocked me out. It was the best nap…
Pretty much can’t be done. According to one acclaimed costume designer – and this must intoned in a deep, throaty, Katharine Hepburn educated drawl – “There can be only ONE fat cat.” I’m not saying that there aren’t svelte dancer bodies in community theatre. I’m just saying that there aren’t enough of them that you’d…
Minuit’s delicate derriere That poem by Sandburg, with the line “The fog comes in on little cat feet”? Well, Sandburg didn’t know Minuit. Minuit is ‘rubinesque.’ She’s not quite as round as she is long, but she does a fair impersonation of that cat. She is the antithesis of most cat adjectives, being neither stealthy…
So this week I went to the One Of A Kind Craft Show in Toronto with my friend Meg, a OOAK Toronto Virgin. This show is SO huge that when you’re trying to navigate your way through, you need to give directions like this: “Okay, go west until you hit the Wawa goose and then…
Rissa was at a sleepover, we had the house to ourselves for the evening, so when we left Shopper’s, arms laden with chips and popcorn, we were intent on getting home as quickly as possible. (Insert eyebrows waggling in deliberate sexual innuendo here.) It was cold and drizzly as we raced back towards our…
Everybody wants something, right? And you don’t get something for nothing. That’s the rumor. Watch out folks, my inner Pollyanna is courteously clawing her way to the surface! The sun is shining and I’m filled with the frickin’ milk of human kindness. I have a proposition: what if instead of all the take, take, taking…