I just want to be at my best for Christmas Eve dinner, you know? Well-presented. Whisker-free. Having spent a great deal of time yesterday absentmindedly playing with my chin and neck hairs, I knew that this morning should really be dedicated to the pre-Christmas pluck. I head to the bathroom with purpose. I ablute as…
Dicks. SO many dicks out there on the interwebs. Leaving virtual spooge on our screens and an ether trail of fake websites / Facebook pages / online stores. Preying upon the vintage clothing / cheap electronics / insert niche market here nerds. I freely admit, I click that bait. Vintage style wool coat? The Angels’…
Originally, David wants me to go to our local Community Theatre’s Costume Shop and “pick up a black suit that should fit.” He is perplexed when I explain that were I to pick out a suit without him there, that the suit would not fit. “You’re going to actually have to try a suit on.”…
I’m standing in the kitchen – fighting with a safety pin to ensure that my tatas don’t escape my cotton summer dress. The sweat is… everywhere. My forehead, neck, décolletage… Between my shoulder blades, the curve of my ass… MY FUCKING SHINS! I start to hyperventilate in discomfort. I’m nauseated. David looks at me. “Love, are…
It felt as though we were missing a limb for about eight months, but we managed to survive Rissa’s first year at university. However, with no one to “adult” for, we devolved into teenagers ourselves. We forgot to do laundry, haphazardly cleaned the house and rarely grocery shopped. Rissa would come home for a weekend…
It may be my inner Scandinavian talking, but if the government of Ontario needs more money for Education and Healthcare? I’m prepared to pay a little bit more in taxes to help. Because I’m pretty sure that’s what taxes are actually supposed to do. Pay for MRIs and ensure lower class sizes and shorter wait…
Did you know that to get new countertops you have to purchase entirely new base cabinets upon which you can place said countertops? It doesn’t seem logical to me. I mean, when you’ve got cabinets… …FUNCTIONING… underneath the countertops, surely I can remove the existing countertops, attach the new ones, et voilà! BRAND NEW KITCHEN!!! Now perhaps…
Baby, It’s Cold Outside won’t be played on some radio stations, including CBC – CBC News Is Baby It’s Cold Outside an ode to rape that deserves its sudden banishment from Canadian radio? – National Post ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ Banned From Canadian Radio Stations, Too – HuffPost Canada December 2018 – “Baby It’s Cold…
I feel it happening almost as soon as I step outside of the conference. By the time I make my way to the top of Columbus Circle I know it’s a goner. It’s gotta be the cold air. My thighs have gone cold with the breezy NY air. My left thigh still has some warmth,…
Dear Heather: “We are writing to invite you to get checked for colon (bowel) cancer.” I’m sorry, you’re…? reads the sentence again… You’re inviting me to WHAT?? “After age 50, your risk of getting this disease goes up.” How much? How MUCH does it go up?? Could I get actual percentages here? Into what level of panic…