For all you parents dropping off your children (of all ages) at school this week… an excerpt from More Work Than a Puppy (or what your mother never told you about procreation). I was told by the mother of a university-aged daughter that I’d missed an important demographic. I added this particular monologue in 2005 with a…
There were two girls, seven, maybe eight years old, on the sidewalk a couple of blocks ahead of us. They had a stick. They were moving something onto the road with the stick. Having walked down the road earlier that day, I knew that the thing they were moving into the road was a dead…
We didn’t realize for the longest time. She was masking it so well. She was coping. But it became apparent this morning that my daughter has… she has… dishwasher blindness. (sob) Comparable to night blindness, dishwasher blindness tends to hit at a much younger age. Early signs of dishwasher blindness seem innocuous. Dinner ware might…
Wait! It’ll come to me! Some people do Sudoku. For others it’s crosswords. Still others, brain teasers. All to keep their minds sharp – build their reserves against dementia. My Dad, whose own father succumbed to Alzheimer’s, has a vested interest in keeping his brain in gear. He has a simple plan. It all centres…
Yes, you’re the #1 trending thing today, and you’re probably going to be getting all sorts of requests for late-night TV, so it’ll blind you for a bit to how extensive all this really was. And you’ll even say that you won’t lurk online and read stuff about yourself sweetie, but you will. …
WARNING: This is about MENSTRUATION and shit – well not actually shit, really just other female-centric issues that go hand in uterus with menstruation. There will be blood. I might also talk about vaginas. from quickmeme.com Why couldn’t I have just let it fade away quietly? After months and months of erratic menstruation, a la…
I have to ask. When someone you love suddenly becomes completely enamoured with an… uh… we’ll call it an appliance… to the exclusion of their other toys… Should you do something about it? Or should you just let them have their moment and hope that they’ll eventually move on and not hurt themselves in the…
So you know how, when you have to go through Customs, even if you aren’t smuggling anything you get all freaked out and start to wonder, “Hey! Maybe I DO have a condom full of cocaine in my lower intestinal tract”? Every single time we get a letter from the Canada Revenue Agency I lose…
We lived next door to a lady named Kay. She was in her 80s. One of those Europeans who, although she’d been in Canada for 50 years, still had her accent – just like my own Granny. Kay was effusive in welcoming us to the neighbourhood. We had to learn to lock our door during…
Yes, folks, you too may purchase your very own boob juggling set! Includes 3 breasts for the true juggling experience!* I think that I may have acquired a new audience for my blog. Teenaged boys. Any post that I have with the word boobs in the title ends up with ridiculously more page views. My…