I hate the faux Christians. Love, love, LOVE the real ones – I know a bunch and they are the kindest, most supportive and liberal-minded folks out there. The faux ones? They’re the ones who hide behind the Bible and pretend to be all godly, but are actually prejudiced, racist and pretty much ignorant of,…
“Anything interesting happen in school today?” “My Mom lost to Your Mom.” I gave her a look. She sighed, despairing for my ignorance. “In dodgeball today. We lost.” Ah yes. Rissa was in a Dodgeball tournament. She and her friends were split between two teams. Rissa’s team was “My Mom” and the other team was…
Is it hot in here? I have solved the impending energy crisis! It’s so simple. We hook up all the women in the world who are having hot flashes… into a power grid. Women ‘of a certain age’ giving off their heat – the combined estrus would produce more energy than the SUN. As long…
So this appeared in my news feed recently… Movember moustaches may hold hazards Seriously? This is a news story? What is the CBC doing? And show of hands, how many men out there don’t wash? And by that I mean EVER. How many don’t wash their faces EVER? How many don’t take the time to…
Or… I’m being possessed by the spirits of homophones past. Instead of the word ‘do’ I type ‘due.’ Instead of ‘red’ I type ‘read.’ I actually typed ‘aisle’ instead of ‘I’ll’ this morning. So? Any thoughts? Any closet neurologists out there? ‘Cause right now? I think I might be in a cross between Memento,…
The phrase “SPARE NO EXPENSE!!!” would readily fall from my lips. My holiday shopping would be joyfully a la carte. I would tip with bills, not toonies. I don’t have that kind of disposal income… right now. But very soon, very soon (insert scheming world-domination maniacal laughter here) it shall come to pass… So here’s…
I know that I know this… Give me a sec… Starts with a B maybe??? So lately, at least a 1/2 dozen times a day, I lose my nouns. Yesterday I couldn’t remember the word BANJO. I could see the thing in my mind, knew it was roundish on one end, that you play it…
I hear these words coming out of my mouth: “Oh it’s just the microvascular angina, hypothyroidism and the reynaud’s syndrome….” I think: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!! You are not an 83 year old woman, just say you’re ‘fine’! When someone asks you how you are, JUST SAY FINE!!! Nobody wants to hear it. …
Flyers… oh, sweet, non-denominational deity, the holiday flyers that have begun arriving at our house. GIANT EXPERTS’ SALE! HOLIDAY BLOWOUTS! BREED YOUR OWN REINDEER! I want, nay verily, I NEED, a Self-Shaping Pre-Lit 8′ Fir Tree for a mere $399.00! No wait! There is a 7′ Pre-Lit Flocked Blue Spruce which has FAKE SNOW on…
This weekend is the weekend things are supposed to get done. Caulking (snerk – yes, I have the mind of a 12 year-old boy) of windows and such. Maybe even a hedge trimming (snerk). Round 1 of leaf raking was Thursday. My inner thighs and quads are still complaining about that. I guess I don’t…