Or… I’m being possessed by the spirits of homophones past. Instead of the word ‘do’ I type ‘due.’ Instead of ‘red’ I type ‘read.’ I actually typed ‘aisle’ instead of ‘I’ll’ this morning. So? Any thoughts? Any closet neurologists out there? ‘Cause right now? I think I might be in a cross between Memento,…
The phrase “SPARE NO EXPENSE!!!” would readily fall from my lips. My holiday shopping would be joyfully a la carte. I would tip with bills, not toonies. I don’t have that kind of disposal income… right now. But very soon, very soon (insert scheming world-domination maniacal laughter here) it shall come to pass… So here’s…
I know that I know this… Give me a sec… Starts with a B maybe??? So lately, at least a 1/2 dozen times a day, I lose my nouns. Yesterday I couldn’t remember the word BANJO. I could see the thing in my mind, knew it was roundish on one end, that you play it…
I hear these words coming out of my mouth: “Oh it’s just the microvascular angina, hypothyroidism and the reynaud’s syndrome….” I think: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!! You are not an 83 year old woman, just say you’re ‘fine’! When someone asks you how you are, JUST SAY FINE!!! Nobody wants to hear it. …
Flyers… oh, sweet, non-denominational deity, the holiday flyers that have begun arriving at our house. GIANT EXPERTS’ SALE! HOLIDAY BLOWOUTS! BREED YOUR OWN REINDEER! I want, nay verily, I NEED, a Self-Shaping Pre-Lit 8′ Fir Tree for a mere $399.00! No wait! There is a 7′ Pre-Lit Flocked Blue Spruce which has FAKE SNOW on…
This weekend is the weekend things are supposed to get done. Caulking (snerk – yes, I have the mind of a 12 year-old boy) of windows and such. Maybe even a hedge trimming (snerk). Round 1 of leaf raking was Thursday. My inner thighs and quads are still complaining about that. I guess I don’t…
Ahhh, the joys of autumn… (Insert contented drinking your cocoa sigh here.) I sit typing at the north end of the dining room. The early afternoon sun warms my shoulders. The house is deliciously warm. If I wanted, I could take my laptop and write in front of a blazing fire in the family room….
…where there aren’t any. We were driving past a farm on the weekend and I was convinced there were zebras grazing. With delighted glee, I thought to myself, “Hey look! ZEBRAS!” I was just about to point them out to David, but as we drove by, I realized that in actuality they were horses wearing…
Clumping cat litter? When it gets covered with a deluge of water? When you’re trying to get it off the floor with paper towels or scoop it up into a dust pan? VERY close, in consistency and appearance, to cat diarrhea. (quelling urge to vomit) Even though I KNOW that it’s NOT cat diarrhea, the…
It’s like every time I have ever reminded her has NEVER happened. Because there it was. In the sink. The empty apple juice bottle, from which Rissa had poured her morning juice, sitting there, IN THE FREAKING SINK!!!! “RISSA!!!!” I grab the bottle and hold it aloft – an impromptu weapon. “Yes Mummy?” She comes…