…where there aren’t any. We were driving past a farm on the weekend and I was convinced there were zebras grazing. With delighted glee, I thought to myself, “Hey look! ZEBRAS!” I was just about to point them out to David, but as we drove by, I realized that in actuality they were horses wearing…
Clumping cat litter? When it gets covered with a deluge of water? When you’re trying to get it off the floor with paper towels or scoop it up into a dust pan? VERY close, in consistency and appearance, to cat diarrhea. (quelling urge to vomit) Even though I KNOW that it’s NOT cat diarrhea, the…
It’s like every time I have ever reminded her has NEVER happened. Because there it was. In the sink. The empty apple juice bottle, from which Rissa had poured her morning juice, sitting there, IN THE FREAKING SINK!!!! “RISSA!!!!” I grab the bottle and hold it aloft – an impromptu weapon. “Yes Mummy?” She comes…
“I have a plan!” he says. “I know what we can use!” “For what?” “Your outside angina.” “Excuse me?” I gave him the “I couldn’t have possibly heard that correctly” look. He rolls his eyes at me. “AN–gina. I said Angina.” “Okay, that makes WAY more sense to me. I was a bit confused…
Rissa repels blankets. She starts the night all cozy underneath the sheets and duvet and comforter and afghan, all of which she apparently needs to have. “I like the WEIGHT, Mummy. It’s almost like there’s an elephant on me.” David and I reckon we can upgrade to a lead blanket or, perhaps chain mail –…
When Rissa has stayed up too late the night before… like last night, Halloween… the next morning is… interesting. Let’s say that she is fragile. She uses her frowny face a lot. She grumbles. She has been known to flop on the floor and emit a “Wailey, Wailey, Wailey!” Traversing the space between the island…
It’s no secret that Rissa gets wound up at bedtime as soon as I’m in the room. I imagine that it’s crazy breeding crazy. I’d been in the city all day, so last night, Rissa was desperate to show me what she had created as an ‘add-on’ to her peacock costume. “Ooooh! Ooooh! You have…
Meeeeh… Yesterday morning… David had been looking forward to sleeping in. 15 more minutes of it. He wasn’t carpooling because of an after-school literacy meeting. He set the alarm in anticipatory joy – there may have been some contented chortling and ‘nom, nom, nom’ noises as he snuggled into the bed. Then, the cats fucked…
I’m not sure if it’s the worst sound that I’ve ever woken to, but it’s in the top three*… All toasty warm – sleeping in past 8:00 a.m. on a weekend… Someone else in the house has fed the felines… Dozing, thinking of delicious things that I might do to my spouse, when I hear…
So the other day after my walk, I had a small reserve of energy and I thought that I’d mow the lawn. David usually does it but I was thinking I’d get major spouse points if I did it for him. Except I couldn’t start it. I tried like 10 freaking times to yank the…