David is twisting the lids back on the peanut butter and jam. I am looking at him incredulously – eyes wide, my eyebrows raised nearly to my hairline. “What?!” asks David. “It’s just…” I’m nearly speechless. “I never see you do that.” He snorts. “I do too!” “HAH! You NEVER put things away.” “I put…
David arrives home, a little later than usual. “I have things for you,” he says, before running back out to the car. “Oh really?” He comes back, hefting a full bag of firewood and making He-Man- look-how-strong-I-am noises. “Firewood?” “In case you’re cold.” He says as he runs out once more. (Yesterday, I’d had a…
We could make our own penicillin with some of the contents of our fridge right now. Show of hands, who else only cleans their fridge out on a quarterly or bi-annual basis? As a science experiment it’s kind of cool – as a surprise when you’re opening a container – not so much. That’s why…
Okay, so Chanel No. 5 ads. WHAT. THE. POOH. Brad Pitt is the new face of Chanel No. 5? My friend Meg said that it happened, but I thought she was high. Brad Pitt? Chanel No. 5? And then I found it – a 31 second commercial that can make the most nonsensical…
We’re at another wedding this weekend with little time to write/edit (fingers crossed for sunshine around 3:00 p.m. for Pete & Kate), so may I please direct your attention to these: Shilling for Schools (How to encourage our children to pimp) YAY!! YOGURT!! (Another reason why I love my crazy daughter) and The Twitching…
Yesterday I was in a public washroom. In one of the stalls, someone had left a makeshift toilet seat cover made from artfully placed toilet paper. Woman after woman turned away from that stall as if it the Black Death were in residence. I guess they all assumed that someone had done their business and…
So it’s that time of year where schools do their fundraising and your child gets to sell useless shit to your family and friends. I’m sorry, that’s unfair. In the past couple of years, at Rissa’s school, they’ve been selling magazine subscriptions which can actually be good things. They make good Christmas presents and such. …
We went grocery shopping today at the No Frills and it was an ADVENTURE. I bribed Rissa to come by saying that she could pick out a treat. First off, we had the turquoise shopping trolley on account of the fact that we walked. Rissa was adamant that she pull it along “I…” she paused…
Okay, so I might need a babysitter. I know that I keep posting that I don’t, but I think maybe… I do. My hips are hurting… AGAIN… Because why? Because I jogged on the treadmill and now my arthritis/bursitis is acting up. (And yes, I’m only 44 freaking years of age, but I was a…
WARNING: LANGUAGE Rissa was snuggled into her bed. I was lying beside her. From the main floor we heard David: “BLAAAAARGH!!!!!! SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!!! ARGH!! FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!” Followed by “I’m FINE!. FUCK!!! I’M FINE!“ David stomp, stomp stomps back up the stairs. “Grumble, grumble, grumble…” “What happened?” I asked, maintaining a straight face….